Holiday Self-Care for Caregivers
The holidays are often described as the most wonderful time of the year, but this isn’t true for everyone. For those struggling with mental illness and their loved ones, the holidays can come with their own set of challenges. A NAMI study showed that 64 percent of people with mental illness report holidays make their conditions worse. The elevation of symptoms during the holiday season can also put a lot of stress on families and caregivers. As a caregiver, it’s essential to give you and your loved one the gift of self-care this holiday season. When you prioritize your mental and physical health, you strengthen your ability to support your loved ones through their recovery.
Setting Boundaries
Boundaries are not only there to ensure you are taking care of yourself, but are also essential in supporting your loved one. Often, when we have a loved one struggling with mental illness our first instinct is to be the “fixer.” Taking a step back from trying to solve every problem will allow your loved one to take ownership of their recovery. Becoming a “retired fixer” means that you will have the capacity to protect your energy and be there for when your loved one needs you the most.
It’s also important to encourage the boundaries your loved ones set for themselves. For example, if your loved one expresses that it will be difficult for them to attend any holiday parties this year, a way you might respond is, “We will miss having you there, and we know how important it is to take care of yourself. I admire your self-awareness.” As hard as it might be, it’s important to respect the boundary set by your loved one to support their healing.
Make Time for Yourself
Carving out intentional time for yourself is important during the holidays. During this season, it can feel like all of your time is being taken up by things like shopping, gift wrapping, cooking, hosting family, and creating a memorable holiday for your loved ones. It’s easy to lose sight of your own needs. Intentionally setting aside time for yourself to do things you love is a valuable tool for self-care. Whether one day a week or just a few minutes each day, this time is self-full not selfish. Whether it’s taking a walk, talking to a friend, doing a craft, or reaching out to a therapist, you deserve time to bring joy to yourself.
Set Realistic Expectations
The holidays are full of images of perfect families posed for photos, flawless meals, and beautifully wrapped gifts. But those images do not reflect reality. It can be easy to fall into perfectionist tendencies during this time of year, especially if you have taken on the responsibility of hosting gatherings and planning events. Remember to set realistic expectations and don’t overextend yourself or your loved one. Instead of expecting your loved one to attend multiple holiday gatherings, you could ask them if it’s possible to choose one to attend. This way you are empowering them with the ability to choose. Remember to take things one at a time, ask for help, and don’t expect perfection from yourself or your loved one.
Spend Meaningful Time with Your Loved One
Spending time with your loved one during the holidays might look different than in the past. Try not to be hurt that your loved one may not want to participate in your family’s usual traditions. Validate their concerns, communicate that your goal is spending time with them, and ask them how they would like to celebrate the holidays. This is especially true for people whose loved ones are maintaining sobriety. Maybe it’s watching a movie at home in pajamas or getting dressed up for a dinner out. Embracing new traditions can be a fun way to connect and spend meaningful time with your loved one.
Embrace Joy & Gratitude
Even in difficult seasons, small moments of joy and gratitude can make a big difference. Slow down and remind yourself and your loved one of all you have to be grateful for. It’s also important to understand that your loved one might not feel like celebrating the holidays. Instead of forcing cheer, you can encourage them to celebrate the progress they’ve made even if they’re not where they want to be yet. Meeting your loved one where they are reminds them that it’s okay to not be okay. Finding a balance between gratitude and acceptance will help your loved one feel supported during the holidays.
You Are Not Alone
When you give yourself the gift of self care, you’re modeling resilience and self-compassion for your loved one. Skyland Trail offers support, education, and community to families as they navigate this journey. Family therapy, weekly family education, and support groups are great options to learn more about mental health and connect with others going through similar struggles. Read about our family programs here or contact our Family Peer Support Specialist, Lynn Valentino at lvalentino@skylandtrail.org for more information.